Invitation To The Desperation Disco

The Open University is a fine institution. It offers higher education to all. Part of the process is a week of residential eduction each summer. The Summer Schools are held on University Campus’s and for a week everyone gets to be a student. The atmosphere is unique.

I attended a Summer School in Psychology one year. It prompted me to write this story.

“You know, at first I thought you were just being fussy. Now I’m certain that you don’t even know you’re doing it.”

“Excuse me?”

“How nice, you use quaint American sayings. Soon you’ll be saying ‘Can I help you?’ in that polite but probing way that they have.”

“Have me met?”

“That’s better, Paul; a much more English response to an intrusive outsider. No we haven’t met, you would have remembered, but I have been watching you. It is so unusual to see a handsome man who doesn’t know he’s attractive. My guess is that you were an ugly duckling, transformed into a swan by contact lenses, a decent haircut and a healthclub subscription. Am I right?”

“None of your business. And how do you know my name?”

“Don’t get testy, Paul it doesn’t suit you. Oh, and your name is on that badge you’re wearing like a good little student. This must be your first Summer School or you’d know that tomorrow is the Desperation Disco”

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand”

“Exactly my point. That woman you just sent away with a list of URLs and a bibliography, do you think she’s attractive?”

“Elaine? She’s very nice. She’s in my workgroup.”

“But do you want to fuck her?”


“Because she wants to fuck you.”

“But she’s married!”

“Good God man, listen to yourself. You’re at an Open University Summer School. It’s packed with people who want to change their lives. For one week they can be someone-else, rather than a spouse or a parent. They are surrounded by new people, who want to know what they think, who see them with fresh eyes, and who, by and large, are as randy as hell. Do you have any idea how much bonking goes on here, Paul?”

“Well, I know that some people are… making new friends.”

“Paul, I think you’re on the wrong course. You should be taking: ‘how to make friends and fuck people’, By my observation Elaine is the third woman you’ve declined to have sex with. I thought I’d better point it out, after all, you have only two nights left before you return to the real world. That’s why it’s called the Desperation Disco, one last chance to… make new friends”

“Well thank you, but I’m happily married.”

“Does your erection know that? Don’t blush, Paul, we both know you haven’t been laid since the weekend and you aren’t used to standing this close to a woman who doesn’t wear a bra.”


“You have your 2:00 seminar now, Paul, so you’d better take your tight little bum and your muscular forearms off to class. I’m going to be in the Students Union Bar at 6:00. Meet me there if you want to raise more than your grade average this week.”

“Wait. What’s your name?”

“So, while you were trying not to stare at my nipples, you noticed I’m not wearing a badge. My name is Jane. See you at 6:00, Paul.”


“Hi Bev, how’s it going? Speak up, there’s a lot of noise by this phone. Yeah, fine. Really interesting. Actually something strange happened to me today. Some one chatted me up. No, female actually. Yes she was good looking; at least I thought so. No I didn’t encourage her. What do you mean am I sure? Sorry. Yes of course I realised you were joking. Do I sound guilty? Oh alright, laugh if you must. It’s the last time I tell you anything Bev Jennings. Sod, my money’s running out. Gotta go. Love you. Bye.”


“Duty call to wifey, Paul?”

“No. Yes. Well not a duty, just a call.”

“Is it too hot for you in there, Paul? You seem a little flustered.”

“I’m fine. I just want to get out of this phone booth.”

“Not yet, Paul. It looks just the right size for two. And besides, I have a call to make.”

“What are you doing?”

“Breathe in, Paul, there’s a good chap. Mmmm what strong forearms you have. Not a lot of room in here is there?”

“Please move aside.”

“What side would you like me to move? This one? Or this one? I thought that would get your attention. My guess is women don’t often get close enough to you show you their breasts. Shame really, you’re cute in a schoolboyish sort of way. Now now, don’t struggle, Paul. I won’t bite. Although I will suck if you ask nicely. Now, l have a very simple question to ask you. Will you fuck me please? Pretty please? Paul?”

“NO I WON’T FUCK YOU. God, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I’m mean you’re very attractive and everything. It’s just that I can’t. It’s… What are you laughing at?”

“Just a minute, Paul. I have to make that call.”

“Call? What call?”

“Shhh, it’s ringing. Hello Bev? Jane here. Yeah you were right. Terminally faithful I’m afraid. You’re a lucky cow to bag one that’s monogamous and cute. Sure, hang on I’ll pass you over to him. Bev wants to speak to you, Paul.”

“Bev? What the hell is going on? You did what? No I don’t think it’s funny. No. Will you please stop laughing. Bev? Bev? She hung up on me!”

“Never mind Paul. I knew Bev at Uni but I’ve only recently gotten back to this country. When she told me that she’d let her new hubby slide off to the OU Summer School I said you were bound to be unfaithful. She bet me that you wouldn’t. You’ve just cost me #100.”

“I don’t believe this. How could you do this?”

“I’m going now, Paul. It’s much too hot in here for me. Oh, and Paul, if you change your mind about the fuck, I’ll be at the Desperation Disco tomorrow night. Don’t worry I wouldn’t tell Bev. Think about it. Nite Nite, Paul.”

© Mike Kimera 2000 All rights reserved. Do not reproduce without written permission from

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